Monday
+10/30/2006 10:45:00 PM
+10/30/2006 10:45:00 PM
i like this pic ............................................................................................
If you want to compare me with one group then compare me with the other also.
What do you expect of me?
I'm not allowed to make mistakes?
Sorry?
No one is perfect...
end
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Saturday
+10/28/2006 04:49:00 AM
+10/28/2006 04:49:00 AM
straying down a path I really shouldn't...
this is a road leading to nowhere
end
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Wednesday
+10/25/2006 02:26:00 PM
+10/25/2006 02:26:00 PM
end
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+10/25/2006 01:14:00 AM
You know what?
The phrase "home is where the heart is", I know what that means now.
-----------------------------
Wondering...
Why do people stop to look back?
Is it that they have nothing to look forward to?
Or is it that they want to savor what was gone?
How much do people really care if they ask you how you are?
How is it that some people can have such strong faith things/ other people/ God/ whatever?
Why is it that we waste time so much knowing how important it is?
Or is it that the truth is we actually don't?
What is the truth but what you perceive it to be?
Would you want to know the truth if it wasn't?
Why is it that so many people are not accepting of other people's perspective?
How on earth did the phrase 'pop the cherry' come about?
-----------------------------
Realizations...
You can't run away from yourself.
-----------------------------
The phrase "home is where the heart is", I know what that means now.
-----------------------------
Wondering...
Why do people stop to look back?
Is it that they have nothing to look forward to?
Or is it that they want to savor what was gone?
How much do people really care if they ask you how you are?
How is it that some people can have such strong faith things/ other people/ God/ whatever?
Why is it that we waste time so much knowing how important it is?
Or is it that the truth is we actually don't?
What is the truth but what you perceive it to be?
Would you want to know the truth if it wasn't?
Why is it that so many people are not accepting of other people's perspective?
How on earth did the phrase 'pop the cherry' come about?
-----------------------------
Realizations...
You can't run away from yourself.
-----------------------------
end
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Saturday
+10/21/2006 07:06:00 PM
+10/21/2006 07:06:00 PM
Oh yea ba-beh!!!
Killar look babeh!!!
OH NO BABEH
DAMN POOR BABEH
Killar look babeh!!!
OH NO BABEH
DAMN POOR BABEH
end
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Friday
+10/20/2006 01:53:00 PM
+10/20/2006 01:53:00 PM
i hope the view i've found doesn't slip,
it made me smile.
______________________
Every once in a while, People step up,
They rise above themselves, Sometimes they surprise you,
Sometimes they fall short.
______________________
been going to the beach alot these couple a of weeks.
it's such a great place to chill & space out.
can spend hours just whiling time away sitting around there.
_____________________
Life is funny sometimes, It can push pretty hard,
but If you look close enough,You find hope,
______________________
the sky is a light shade of grey,
just another phase of finding what i really need.
_____________________
In the words of children,In the bars of a song,
and In the eyes of someone you love,
______________________
I cannot differentiate anymores,
Just have to hope for the best.
_____________________
And If you are lucky,
I mean If you're the luckiest person on the entire planet,
The person you love decides to love you back
______________________
i think the words on the right were taken from one tree hill
end
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Saturday
+10/14/2006 03:44:00 AM
+10/14/2006 03:44:00 AM
I want to sleep for a thousand years.
Dreamless sleep.
Getting sick of being awake.
My timing is totally screwed.
Even my darkest darkest nightmare i wouldn't mind.
Cuz that's not real.
And i will wake up from it, rather than waking up to it.
I'm floating from one place to another.
In mind, and in body.
Wherever the current takes me.
My anchor doesn't work anymore.
A friend said to me, "i treat my blog as my room, a place where i am totally comfortable and just write whatever i want..."
*hit me if i misquoted =P
I think it's cool that he's so open.
Tried to think of it in those terms but it's kinda weird, cuz this room of mine would be open to everyone and that makes me uncomfortable.
Guess its more like a window into my room...
You catch glimpses of my room.
But my shutters are usually all you'll see.
Right now they aint working too well though.
Nothing is.
I think i've been awake too long.
*such a stupid sounding post i know
hehe
sun's gonna be up in just a little while more...
Dreamless sleep.
Getting sick of being awake.
My timing is totally screwed.
Even my darkest darkest nightmare i wouldn't mind.
Cuz that's not real.
And i will wake up from it, rather than waking up to it.
I'm floating from one place to another.
In mind, and in body.
Wherever the current takes me.
My anchor doesn't work anymore.
A friend said to me, "i treat my blog as my room, a place where i am totally comfortable and just write whatever i want..."
*hit me if i misquoted =P
I think it's cool that he's so open.
Tried to think of it in those terms but it's kinda weird, cuz this room of mine would be open to everyone and that makes me uncomfortable.
Guess its more like a window into my room...
You catch glimpses of my room.
But my shutters are usually all you'll see.
Right now they aint working too well though.
Nothing is.
I think i've been awake too long.
*such a stupid sounding post i know
hehe
sun's gonna be up in just a little while more...
end
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+10/14/2006 02:22:00 AM
Feel like that person...Guess it's up to personal interpretation.
Well, that's a thousand words written for me already
end
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Thursday
+10/12/2006 04:24:00 AM
+10/12/2006 04:24:00 AM
today was one of those really nice days.
almost perfect.
[ Saint Kilda beach ]
almost perfect.
[ Saint Kilda beach ]
end
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Wednesday
+10/11/2006 04:34:00 AM
+10/11/2006 04:34:00 AM
tired.
sleep.
zombie.
hungry.
lifeless.
what is real?
no answer.
how?
why?
want.
past.
fear.
future.
live.
now.
eyelids taped back.
going.
where?
................................
sleep.
zombie.
hungry.
lifeless.
what is real?
no answer.
how?
why?
want.
past.
fear.
future.
live.
now.
eyelids taped back.
going.
where?
................................
end
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+10/11/2006 03:11:00 AM
end
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Tuesday
+10/10/2006 01:52:00 PM
+10/10/2006 01:52:00 PM
Get up and move...
Do what you have to do.
Time doesn't stop just because your world is stuck.
Snap out of it.
No one will care if you care nothing about yourself.
There're things that only you can do.
No one else can do it for you.
Staring at the ceiling all night through doesn't help any.
Not when there is nothing good to think about.
All there is, is darkness caressing you, your thoughts.
Stay firm and upright.
Be who you are, not a shadow of the real thing.
Whatever comes at you,
well... take it on.
Do what you have to do.
Time doesn't stop just because your world is stuck.
Snap out of it.
No one will care if you care nothing about yourself.
There're things that only you can do.
No one else can do it for you.
Staring at the ceiling all night through doesn't help any.
Not when there is nothing good to think about.
All there is, is darkness caressing you, your thoughts.
Stay firm and upright.
Be who you are, not a shadow of the real thing.
Whatever comes at you,
well... take it on.
end
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+10/10/2006 02:53:00 AM
i want...
to be free of my own mind.
i crave...
for nothing material.
i see...
things that are not there.
i wish...
for everything to be nice and simple.
i continously...
mess myself up.
i have to...
shut up & fucking deal with it already.
to be free of my own mind.
i crave...
for nothing material.
i see...
things that are not there.
i wish...
for everything to be nice and simple.
i continously...
mess myself up.
i have to...
shut up & fucking deal with it already.
end
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Monday
+10/09/2006 02:47:00 AM
+10/09/2006 02:47:00 AM
Rain
There somethings that i'm totally shit in dealing.
Just really really that bad.
When it rains in my world it's a thunderstorm.
No less.
Dark clouds may gather but there's no such thing as light rain.
It has to run it's course.
And after the rain...
Just really really that bad.
When it rains in my world it's a thunderstorm.
No less.
Dark clouds may gather but there's no such thing as light rain.
It has to run it's course.
And after the rain...
end
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Sunday
+10/08/2006 11:48:00 PM
+10/08/2006 11:48:00 PM
Smile for another day
Eyes once filled with light & wonder,
Seeing the other side tears all asunder,
What was & what is to come,
Hollow... when all said & done.
Darkness claws at my conciousness,
Constantly being pushed into hopelessness,
Can I fight it through deep red tears?
When all I hold are blistering fears.
Friendship, once a hallowed word,
It's meaning all but lost in a bitter flood,
Much too negative one might say,
But there're many I reckon who feel this way.
Staring at the window of the past,
My mind's slowly turning to dust,
My mind's slowly turning to dust,
Gotta loosen my grip & look away,
To find a smile for another day.
I thought this post was gone forever...
thanks to hardwork i found it!!
Written by ian,
may 04, 2006
1:16 am
end
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+10/08/2006 02:18:00 PM
I saw the most amazing patterns,
the most stunning colors,
I floated witht the clouds,
knocked on heavens gate,
For a little while I got away from reality,
and had the most incredible high.
end
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Friday
+10/06/2006 12:52:00 AM
+10/06/2006 12:52:00 AM
I can say nothing.
Not to anyone.
No one saw what the real issue is.
I'm tired of solutions to the wrong problem.
It is not what they think.
People want what they can't have.
True.
Although there're very few things in life that i really want.
It is the same for me.
But i knew enough not to go crazy over the impossible.
Accepted it .
I realised that what i had was probably more than i deserve.
And learned how to appreciate it.
Losing that was the thing.
That was difficult to accept.
I suppose I just have to get used to this.
The pressure leaks out now.
Maybe because I'd already cracked.
I guess cracking is good in a way so it doesnt build up within...
So many people have so much problems, so much more crushing then mine,
yet I got so affected by this...
Embarrassing? well it is a little bit but then again this is who I am.
The pressure leaks out now.
Maybe because I'd already cracked.
I guess cracking is good in a way so it doesnt build up within...
So many people have so much problems, so much more crushing then mine,
yet I got so affected by this...
Embarrassing? well it is a little bit but then again this is who I am.
_________________________
The evanescence of a star in the dawning sky,
Is it gone?
No it's not.
It just doesn't shine in your sky anymore.
______________________________
end
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Monday
+10/02/2006 10:03:00 PM
+10/02/2006 10:03:00 PM
I'm groping at thin air.
Why does my head remember all that is bad?
Why does it have to keep replaying the worst over and over again?
What's wrong with me?
Am I born like that?
Knowing I technically have a good life somehow doesn't comfort me at all.
This time I have no where to run to...
This time it's worse then its ever been. So much worse.
It seems to me that God takes pleasure in teasing me with my deepest fear.
Putting it's shadow before me then leaving the rest to my paranoid self.
Yes, to some people my fear is a small thing, and yes it probably is controllable to them, but it is the biggest monster in my mind.
Tearing my thoughts and my reality to shreds and making it so that my thoughts swing from extreme to extreme while my reality wavers so badly that it becomes like a TV screen that just shows static.
Holding me in it's grip.
Letting me stray yet never letting me go.
Influencing my every move and laughing at my every mistake.
Thinking that I was strong was so wrong.
Assuming that I have moved past all that could hurt me, that I would be able to handle whatever that comes my way, that my guards were perfect...
that there was no way the same thing would be able haunt me again.
ppfffffttttt... so stupid.
So far from the truth.
All I'm facing is it's shadow and I'm already being crushed slowly, the longer this goes on.
Emotions so twisted that it's just a blur of knots that fill me to the point where I'm afraid I won't be able to choke it back.
I'm really tired.
I have no heart to do anything with this hanging over me.
All I want is to see it dissapear and everything back to how it was.
Is that possible?
To those who has had to bear with my stupid behaviour... Forgive me, I'm truly sorry.
To those who are worried about me... Thanks, your concern means more to me then you'll ever know.
Missing what was, and fearing what is to be...
Why does my head remember all that is bad?
Why does it have to keep replaying the worst over and over again?
What's wrong with me?
Am I born like that?
Knowing I technically have a good life somehow doesn't comfort me at all.
This time I have no where to run to...
This time it's worse then its ever been. So much worse.
It seems to me that God takes pleasure in teasing me with my deepest fear.
Putting it's shadow before me then leaving the rest to my paranoid self.
Yes, to some people my fear is a small thing, and yes it probably is controllable to them, but it is the biggest monster in my mind.
Tearing my thoughts and my reality to shreds and making it so that my thoughts swing from extreme to extreme while my reality wavers so badly that it becomes like a TV screen that just shows static.
Holding me in it's grip.
Letting me stray yet never letting me go.
Influencing my every move and laughing at my every mistake.
Thinking that I was strong was so wrong.
Assuming that I have moved past all that could hurt me, that I would be able to handle whatever that comes my way, that my guards were perfect...
that there was no way the same thing would be able haunt me again.
ppfffffttttt... so stupid.
So far from the truth.
All I'm facing is it's shadow and I'm already being crushed slowly, the longer this goes on.
Emotions so twisted that it's just a blur of knots that fill me to the point where I'm afraid I won't be able to choke it back.
I'm really tired.
I have no heart to do anything with this hanging over me.
All I want is to see it dissapear and everything back to how it was.
Is that possible?
To those who has had to bear with my stupid behaviour... Forgive me, I'm truly sorry.
To those who are worried about me... Thanks, your concern means more to me then you'll ever know.
Missing what was, and fearing what is to be...
end
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+10/02/2006 01:27:00 AM
Stupid impulse to delete blog...
end
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